Tuesday, June 28, 2011

The real me

My blogging friend posted a "real me" kind of post yesterday. 
I think it's such a great idea.
Often times we view each other with such distorted lenses. 
 We may think "she" is the perfect wife,
the perfect mom,
the perfect housekeeper,
never makes mistakes,
never yells at her kids,
never has a dirty house,
always washes the floor,
always bakes from scratch,
always exercises.

But we don't live with one another 24/7.
Our husbands
know the real-er us.

Here's the real-est me I can show you:
I'm actually very insecure.
I prefer to buy cookies than bake cookies.
I really do like my curly hair.
I wish that I had completed university.
I don't think I could have completed university.
I'm not so nice to my children sometimes.
During the winter we watch a LOT of t.v.
Recently, I gave UP t.v. and God has richly blessed me for this committment.
My heart still flutters when Tim walks in a room.
I only surface clean...unless certain people are coming for a visit
I can't concentrate on worshiping when Tim sings on the worship team.
I'd love to get married all over again so my "now" friends can see me get married.
I'd also love to be given showers so that I can have new dishes, pots and pans, towels, etc. 
I am counting the days until I can go away with just Tim.
I worry about things a lot. 
I wish I wasn't such a worry wart.
I struggle with jealousy.
I was not that sad when the kids' hamster died after only 6 days.
Sometimes I want another baby....
....then I hold my sisters babies and that's enough for me.  (read:  I LOVE my nephews).
I would prefer to eat dessert than dinner....
Sometimes I only eat cake for breakfast.

It's the real me.

Monday, June 20, 2011

Where I began....

About 8 months ago I hurt my back. 
 I was in bed for four days at the time and my back hasn't been the same since.
Yesterday the pain was quite bad. 
 By the evening I was feeling very sorry for myself.  Sorry enough to have a full out one-person pity party.
 I went out to the garden to water the plants.  I used my own tears to water said plants.

As I stood crying over my peonies I tried to think of some Scripture I could recite to make me feel better.  Something to remind me of God's goodness and faithfulness to me. 
But I was drowning in my self-pity and could think of not one verse. 
And so I returned to just crying about and dwelling on the pain.

I sat down this morning to journal about this all. 
A verse came to my mind....I couldn't recall it word for word
 but I remembered it as saying something about God not giving me anything I can't handle.
I wanted to know the exact verse and so I googled it. 

I was quickly reminded of what the actual verse says.

1 Corinthians 10:13 says "No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. 
And God is faithful,
 he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. 
 But when you are tempted he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it".

So how can I apply this to me right now?  To my pain...my frustration?
Although this back pain isn't a temptation to sin directly,
 I am finding myself tempted to and even guilty of giving up. 
 I'm frustrated and feeling sorry for myself. 
 I am lacking patience with and compassion for my kids.
  I certainly am not exercising self-control.

This verse reminds me that God will provide a way out for me during these times
which makes HIM the way out for me. 
 I looked up "stand up under it" in my Greek dictionary
and it lists "to endure" as another translation for these words. 
 Asking Him all day long to give me all that I need to ENDURE the day and the pain.
I will continue to be frustrated if I continue to try to do it on my own.

It was while I was journalling this that Galatians 5:22 came to mind
 "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness,
 faithfulness, gentleness & self-control". 
And how can I live in the Spirit?
2 Peter 1:3 tells me that "his divine power has given me everything I need for life and godliness".

So although I remembered the verse wrong....the Holy Spirit took me on a journey today to remind me of God's faithfulness to me....which is exactly where I began yesterday.

And in other news...

we added someone to our family yesterday...